Liberty magazine has a monthly feature that contains amusing excerpts from newspaper and magazine articles. Below is a sampling.
England
Another "Home Alone" case: The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals brought charges of pet abandonment against David Sharod [of Maidenhead, England], who left two fish alone in their tank for three days while he was away. He was acquitted after citing the society's own literature, which indicated that the fish could live comfortably on algae in the tank for up to two weeks. (Reported in the Milwaukee Journal.)
Wyoming
Aesthetic advance in the Equality State: The National Endowment for the Arts awarded $4,000 to three Wyoming artists who honored an early-twentieth-century feminist by painting words from her journal on the sides of 70 cattle. (Reported in the Milwaukee Journal.)
New Jersey
Progress in taxonomy, as reported by the National Law Journal: A New Jersey appeals court has ruled that seaweed is legally a fish.
Great Falls, Montana
Administrative rights for the dead, reported by the Bozeman Daily Chronicle: Four days after she died, Joyce Resnick received a letter from the Montana Department of Social and Rehabilitation Services, advising her, "Your food stamp benefits will stop effective 07-31-1994 because you are now deceased. Your medical assistance benefits will stop effective 07-31-1994 because you are deceased." It concluded by reminding Resnick that she was entitled to a fair hearing and could call with any questions about her loss of benefits.
Levallois-Perret, France
Advance in executive voyeurism, reported by The European: The mayor of Levallois-Perret has decided to install more than 100 surveillance cameras around his town to make sure the locals behave themselves, 24 hours a day.
Perkins Township, Ohio
Serial killings, Buckeye-style, as reported by The Detroit News: Police are investigating a man who may have been involved in slashing at least 20 Barbie dolls in Perkins Township stores.
California
Judicial breakthrough in the Golden State, as reported by The San Diego Union-Tribune: Superior Court Juge David Gill refused to allow Dale Akiki to be released on bail for the remainder of his child-abuse trial, saying that under the law he is required "to presume guilt" in deciding the issue.
Montana
The vital importance of federal aid, reported in The Great Falls Tribune: As one of Montana's wettest years ever neared its ends, the state received $1.3 million from the federal government to deal with drought. The timing was ironic but the money still is needed, according to Lt. Gov. Dennis Rehberg, chair of the state Drought Advisory Committee.
Mondovi, Wisconsin
Creative law enforcement, reported by The Milwaukee Journal: A Mondovi man received a $57 ticket for riding a horse without headlights on a city sidewalk after midnight
Scotland
Progress in privatization, reported by The Economist: In response to an embarrassing series of break-ins, an Edinburgh police station has hired a private security firm.
Siloam Springs, Ark.
Avant garde jurisprudence in Bill Clinton's home state, reported in the Northern Express: Upon recapture, escaped convict Ross Chadwell filed a lawsuit against the county, charging that the sheriff "violated the plaintiff's civil rights by allowing him to escape."
College Park, Maryland
Dispatch from the war for gender equality, as reported in the Milwaukee Journal: Women taking a class in feminist art at the University of Maryland selected all identifiably male names from a campus phone book and posted them around campus on posters reading, "Notice: These Men are Potential Rapists." Women involved in the project asked to remain anonymous.
Washington, D.C.
The new math of the old politics, as demonstrated in the Senior American: Asked whether President Clinton's "stimulus" package would cost $15 billion or $30 billion, White House Press Secretary Dee Dee Myers responded, "It's all in the same range."
Milwaukee
Progress toward the paperless society, reported in the Milwaukee Journal: The Milwaukee County Department of Human Resources gave every county employee a memo announcing examinations "for the positions listed below." But down below, all it said was, "No openings."
China
Unintended consequences strike the Celestial Kingdom, described in the Northern Express: When Chinese officials ordered that anyone dying after April 1 be cremated, at least 40 citizens killed themselves so that they would die in time to be buried instead
Indiana
Culinary note from the Hoosier State, as reported in the Detroit Free Press: Brian Lyman, 20, has been arrested for biting the bark off trees.
Washington, D.C.
Interesting observation from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, reported in the Bloomington, Indiana Herald-Times: "All therapeutic claims, regardless of truthfulness, are inherently misleading and particularly deceptive."
China
Topographic note from the Celestial Kingdom, as reported by the China News Service: "Seen from a certain angle at sunset, a mountain in China's Guangdong province looks like the late Mao Zedong."
Sacramento
The rigors of law enforcement in the Golden State, as reported in the San Jose Mercury News: "Police lobbyists say that it is too burdensome to convict someone of a crime before taking their property."